i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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