before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
