Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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