Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
