You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
