i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
