i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
