WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
