I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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