I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
