I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
