Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My nipple is on Facebook.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
