so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
