Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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