In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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