But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
