Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
