corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
