im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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