Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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