Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize