your parents love me but you hate me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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