Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
