Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
