bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
