walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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