Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
