On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
