If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
