I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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