Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
