I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
