Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
