If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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