You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So many bounce houses so little time
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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