butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
