I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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