Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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