You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
