My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
