So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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