I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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