Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
