I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
