i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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