I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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