You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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