hotel room ftw
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
