Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
