If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
