Girls should come with a carfax report
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
