I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
