Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
