I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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