I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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