what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
