my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
