My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
