they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
