drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
