There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
