Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drunk is a universal language darling
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