i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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