We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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